Raising children is the perfect opportunity for improving yourself. With kids home over the summer, as a parent, you have many chances to learn humility, self-control, tolerance, fortitude, and patience.
For example, you may hear your children talking to each other in a way that is not attractive. Your reprimand must set an example for them. You must make your comment in a pleasant way.
When you confront them on the way they are talking to each other, they will turn their meanness on you. Your job will be to stay calm, stay polite, and stay on the issue.
Sometimes a child will come to you with a particularly tough complaint. What should he do about some boys who are pushing and shoving him when he goes to his locker before swim team practice?
If you offer to call the swim coach, he will tell you with a mean tone that your idea is dumb. Everyone will think he’s a baby.
If you tell him to try to avoid these bullies and just change at home, he’ll say that’s a stupid idea. And then he’ll say sarcastically how he would have a wet swimsuit for the drive home.
If you suggest that he take some of his friends along for protection when he goes to his locker, he’ll say you don’t understand.
You are trying to offer him help. Help he asked for. But somewhere along the way he has decided that you are the enemy.
This discussion will take every ounce of diplomacy and self-control on your part not to tell him to just go ahead and get beat up.
Daughters frequently come with hair and clothes problems. They hate their hair. It’s too curly or too straight, too fine or too thick. They also hate the new shorts you bought for them and the leave-in conditioner they insisted on getting. Because you paid for it, it's your fault. It takes courage and strength to let someone rant and rave at you and not defend or attack back.
Sometimes, out of concern for how your daughter feels about herself, you offer to help with her hair. But always the braid you nimbly fix doesn’t look right to her. Or she thinks the way you comb her hair is old-fashioned.
If you are able to walk out of her room without saying anything in defense of yourself or leveling an attack against her, you have grown in understanding, tolerance, and empathy.
One mother, as she was driving her daughter, who had complained of a headache, to her summer job, asked, “Are you feeling better?” Her daughter’s hostile response, “No, my head hurts.”
The mother then asked if her daughter had taken an aspirin. Again, with hostility the daughter answered, “Yes, I have taken an aspirin. Stop asking me.”
A third time the woman tried to take care of her daughter by suggesting that maybe it would be better if she took a day off. The daughter snapped, “I’m going.”
When the mother pulled her car into the school lot, she wanted to shout, “Get out of the car!” What she said was, “Have a nice day.” This mother showed restraint and caring.
If you want to become a better person, your children will likely provide you with many opportunities this summer to practice.
Check out Doris’ books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,“ and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.