Nicole Kidman is speaking candidly about the grieving process after the death of her mother Janelle Ann Kidman.
The actor, 57, admitted to GQ magazine of having moments where the full weight of her loss hits her. Kidman's mother died in September at age 84, and her father, Dr. Antony Kidman, died in September 2014 at age 75 after falling.
"So life is, whew. It's definitely a journey. And it hits you as you get older," Kidman told the outlet, adding, "it's a wake up at 3 a.m. crying and gasping kind of thing."
She continued, "If you're in it and not numbing yourself to it. And I'm in it. Fully in it."
Kidman, who shares daughters Sunday, 16, and Faith, 13, with husband Keith Urban said her feelings surrounding life and death were "even more so present" as she raises their teens.
"Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you," Kidman told GQ. "And loss of parents and raising children and marriage and all of the things that go into making you a fully sentient human. I'm in all of those places."
In September, Kidman was attending the Venice Film Festival, where she won Best Actress for "Babygirl," when she learned of her mother's death. Unable to receive her award, director Halina Reijn took to the stage and delivered written remarks while also revealing the death.
"Today, I arrived in Venice to find out shortly after my brave and beautiful mother, Janelle Anne Kidman, had just passed," Nicole Kidman wrote at the time, according to Variety. "I'm in shock, and I have to go to my family, but this award is for her."
The statement continued: "She shaped me, she guided me, and she made me. I am beyond grateful that I get to say her name to all of you through Halina. The collision of life and art is heartbreaking. My heart is broken."
Kidman later broke her silence over her mother's death, thanking fans for their support.
"My sister and I along with our family want to thank you for the outpouring of love and kindness we have felt this week," she wrote on Instagram alongside photos of her late mother.
"Every message we have received from those who loved and admired our mother has meant more to us than we will ever be able to express. Thank you from our whole family for respecting our privacy as we take care of each other," she added.