The Curse of Indecisiveness

Why are some people so indecisive? Is there a hidden agenda?

No matter what, some people can’t seem to make a decision. What’s even more exasperating is that when you try to make the decision, they won’t let you.

For example: Sue asks me one day, “Where would you like to go for lunch?”

I say, “It’s up to you.”

Her: “No. This is your day. You decide.”

Me: “OK, how about the deli?”

Her: “I was thinking about something nicer.”

Me: “Well, how about that new restaurant on Main?”

Her: “It will probably be a long wait at this time of the day.”

Me: “That’s OK. We’ll wait and talk.”

Her: “It really may take awhile.”

I now know she has somewhere else in mind. So I ask, “Do you have another suggestion?”
She says, “You decide.”

At this point I feel like throwing myself down on the sidewalk and having a temper tantrum. (And, I'm getting hangry).

Here’s another example of an “I -won’t- make-a -decision-and-you-can’t-make-me” scenario.

My friend says, “What color do you think I should paint my bedroom?”

I say, “What color have you been thinking about?”

She says, “I really don’t know. What do you suggest?”

I say, “How about a light sage or khaki?”

She says, “I don’t like those colors.”

I say, “Maybe something more subtle, perhaps beige with a rose tint.”

She says, “I don’t think so.”

What I want to say to her is, “I’ll run through the entire color wheel, and when I hit on the color you’re thinking of, you tell me.”

People who play this game have two agendas although even they may not be aware of it. They want to look accommodating, so they ask your opinion. But they also want to make the decision, so they won’t take your suggestion.

In this situation play three strikes and you’re out. Give three suggestions and then say, “I’m out of ideas.”

Apply this same method when dealing with your child who comes to you moaning because he or she can’t figure out what to do.

If you have enjoyed reading this column, click here to subscribe to Doris’ blog and receive it directly into your inbox each week. Check out Doris’ books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,“ and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.