If you are always defending your position instead of being open to someone else’s, you may keep yourself from learning new and different ideas.

I was at a meeting once listening to a fellow explain what direction a particular magazine should take, when another fellow piped up, “That’s ridiculous. I disagree completely.” Within seconds, the various participants at the meeting took sides, and it became a win-lose situation.

So often when people hear something that is new or doesn’t fit with the way they have been thinking, they jump to a negative response such as, “What a stupid idea,” “That would never work,” “How could you think that,” “That’s nonsense,” “It makes no sense to me,” “That makes me mad,” and “I can’t believe you think that.”

As soon as someone makes one of these “close-out” comments, the other person puts up a wall. Now both people are locked into supporting their position, as opposed to considering another idea or blending both ideas for a better solution.

Close-out comments happen in families all the time. A wife says to her husband, “Let’s tear out those old lilac bushes this year and put in some burning bushes.” His response, “No, I don’t think so.” A teenager says, “I think I’m going to get a job.”

The mother says, “That’s stupid, you have enough to do already” A mother says to her grown son, “I didn’t tell you I was sick last week because I didn’t want to worry you.” The son says, “That makes me mad.”

If you’re a person who goes for the close-out without thinking, commit the following to memory. When you hear something, you immediately disagree with, say instead, “Let me think about it,” or “It’s a possibility that would work,” or “Well, that’s one way to look at it.” These statements suggest that you’re open to the other person’s point of view and make for a more productive, win-win situation.

Other words that soften your opinion and make it easier for your listener to digest include “often,” “sometimes,” “perhaps,” “usually,” and “maybe.”

Most people do not intend to block communication, but many people inadvertently do. Use these suggestions and you’ll keep the lines of communication open.