Sadly, many men call about their middle-aged wives being clear about not wanting sex anymore.
They're just done!
They often refuse psychotherapy or sex therapy and refuse to check their hormones.
Testosterone is important in female libido, too. When I ask these women what they expect their husbands — who still wish to be passionate and make love to them — to do for the rest of their lives, they just shrug.
"To love, honor, and cherish" requires more than just tuning out of the physical affection and passion in marriage.
Brent called my show recently, and this is what I ultimately suggested he do.
When wives call complaining that their husbands still yearn for sex, I give them the same list. Too many wives think husbands should just grin and bear it.
Brent: I’ve been married 37 years. Slowly but surely, sex has gone away. My wife has lost interest, but I haven’t.
What should I do?
Dr. Laura: Did she have orgasms?
Brent: Yes, and she still does . . . every now and then, when we do. But I think she’s doing it mostly for me. And obviously, I don’t want to force her to do anything, but it’s becoming an issue for me.
I don’t want to leave my wife. I love her.
Dr. Laura: OK, so divorce is off the table. So, you tell her that you realize she doesn’t want to have sex anymore and you still want to make love to her. You’ve been giving a lot of thought to the situation.
And I have some alternatives.
You’re not going to be dead for 30 more years, and you still want passion in your life.
You’d prefer to have it with her. However, if that’s a no, then say, "I have alternatives to present to you. I could stay married and get a girlfriend on the side, watch porn, or visit a sex worker. Because I’m not going to have no sex in my life. OK?
"Or I could leave the marriage and join a monastery.
"We either go to a sex therapist together to help us sort of reconstitute our passion or one of these is going to be the rest of our marital life — except for the monastery, I have to leave to go to do that.
"Don’t misunderstand, my dearly beloved wife. I’m not kidding. I’m not going to live out the rest of my life like this."
Living as her roommate is not an option. Tell her you’re going to make an appointment with a sex therapist. Not a regular therapist. A sex therapist.
You don’t want a regular therapist.
That’ll just be jabber jabber.
One of the things I would say to your wife is a woman’s sensuality is a blessing from God.
Don’t waste it.
Dr. Laura: Now, would she say you’re a good lover?
Brent: I would say I am.
Dr. Laura: No. Would she say you’re a good lover?
Brent: I think so.
Dr. Laura: Do you make sure she’s satisfied way before you are?
Brent: That’s the first thing I think about, Dr. Laura.
Dr. Laura: OK, good. That’s a good man. Alright.
Brent: I am writing that down, too. That is fantastic. Thank you so much.
Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Listen to Dr. Laura on SiriusXM Channel 111, Mon.–Sat. 2–6pm ET, Sun. 5–9pm ET. Read Dr. Laura's Reports — More Here.
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